Happy Birthday Kennedy

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear sweet Kennedy,
Happy Birthday to you!

Four years ago today our life was complete when Kennedy entered it. Four years ago, we found love that we never thought was possible. As I write this I cannot help but wonder who Kennedy would be today? How tall would she be? How long would her beautiful hair be? How many more faces would she be making? What would her favorite song be? What would her favorite show be? Would she still be carrying her "B" around? How about that thumb, would we have successfully weened her from sucking it?

The answers to these questions I will never know. I can only imagine. My love for Kennedy is still as strong as it was the day she was born four years ago. I will never stop loving her.

Smiles

I am so enjoying seeing the new smiles that Bristol comes up with every day. She's such a happy girl. They are so innocent and pure. She is so happy in this world. It is hard for me to not think about Kennedy's smile. It was so adorable but rarely caught on camera. She would smile so big until I pulled that camera out and then we got the serious face. The rare pictures I have of her smiling or smirking are such a treasure.
The smiles that my girls have given me are heartwarming and consoling, I just don't know what I would do without them.
Seeing them smile, makes me smile. With Kennedy, I smile for the times remembered with her. With Bristol, I smile for the times we have yet to create.

Birthdays and Beach trips

This month is a busy month, lots of birthday's. Kennedy's is one of them. August 26 is just as painful of a date as July 2 is. What do we do to commemorate it? Last year I was in such a fog/state of shock that we had a big celebration and I barely remember it or planning for it. I don't want to in 10, 15, 20 years celebrate the day by simply saying "Happy Birthday Kennedy". To me August 26 will always be her birthday and will always require a remembrance of some sort. Do I have another party with a cake and act like she is still here on this earth? It seems so strange to do that but it's not like I can go to Heaven and have a party for her up there. I am totally OK with being the crazy, grieving mother that still has a birthday party for her daughter every year but I now have Bristol to consider. Will she think this is completely weird? Right now she doesn't know what day is what, but I really don't want to mess her up. We'll all be in therapy together!

Aaaah the beach! After being tortured with every one's beach pictures and hearing about their awesome trips to the beach, we have finally planned a trip in September. We are not staying in Orange Beach but do plan on visiting there. I love the beach, so does Joe. It is killing us to be away from it and at the same time it's so painful. It's still hard for me to see a picture or video of waves crashing. I think this is one of those things that we HAVE to do to get over all of our fears.

By the way, three more weeks of school!!!! Woo Hoo! I have no idea how I did it!