This week I returned back to work from maternity leave. I was panicked at the thought of Joe sleeping with Bristol and basically taking care of her all weekend without my help. He did fine, his hair was on end at the end of day 1 and his eyes were purple from lack of sleep but he managed. I panicked for nothing. Day 2 they did much better and I am at ease now. He's a great daddy and I am lucky to have him.
Being back to work was great. I needed it. I complain about working all the time but I know that I will be a better mom for it. I need the time away. With my return to work I pledged to myself that I will not take any more time off, no more leave of absences! This year was filled with them and now I want to try and get back to somewhat of a normal life.
Bristol is growing so fast. We love her so much. Her smiles are so heartwarming and give us such a calm feeling. I could (and usually do) hold her all day and snuggle. We tell her about her Sissy all the time but I think she already knows all about her!
Showing posts with label Baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
More decisions
Yet again we face decisions. They are never ending. Before the tornadoes in April I was contacted by Fox 6 news to do an interview on where we are at one year later. The tornadoes hit, we didn't have to make the decision, there were much bigger stories at hand. News is slowing down now and yet again we are contacted.
I trust the reporter, Joe is on the fence, he fears that our comments will be cut and pasted and turned into thoughts that we did not say. I really do not know how it will turn out but I pray that, for the news stations reputation, our words come out the way we intend for them and editing is minimal.
The reporter wanted to do a piece on beach safety, something Joe and I decided early on that we did not want to be the face of. Instead she is doing the piece on how we have come through this. Bristol will even make an appearance.
My hopes in doing this interview is to help someone, anyone, even if it is just one person. I also think that we do have a story to tell, our faith and commitment to each other has really gotten us through this last year.
Pray that this interview goes well for us, we all know how our luck is over the past year. If it weren't for bad luck we would not have any!
I trust the reporter, Joe is on the fence, he fears that our comments will be cut and pasted and turned into thoughts that we did not say. I really do not know how it will turn out but I pray that, for the news stations reputation, our words come out the way we intend for them and editing is minimal.
The reporter wanted to do a piece on beach safety, something Joe and I decided early on that we did not want to be the face of. Instead she is doing the piece on how we have come through this. Bristol will even make an appearance.
My hopes in doing this interview is to help someone, anyone, even if it is just one person. I also think that we do have a story to tell, our faith and commitment to each other has really gotten us through this last year.
Pray that this interview goes well for us, we all know how our luck is over the past year. If it weren't for bad luck we would not have any!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Our year
Well life is definitely busy around here. I forgot what it was like to have a baby in the house. Bristol is doing great. She's such a content baby. We couldn't be happier.
Our family has been visiting since her birth, a new member each week. My house is full and busy but it's all so welcome.
It has almost been a year. We have been juggeling with the idea of returning to the beach for the anniversary on the 2nd but I think we have finally made the decision to wait until September or so. I am in a happy place right now, I miss Kennedy so much more every day and I fear that if I go to the beach right now it will make me lose my momentum of healing.
We teach Bristol every day about Kennedy, we show her the pictures on the wall of her and I think that whenever we say her name she smiles a bit. My goal is for Bristol to know Kennedy the way we knew her. I struggle now and probably will until the time comes for us to explain to her what happened to her sister. I know that will be a difficult conversation.
This past year has been the hardest, saddest, joyous and happiest times. Looking back, I still cannot believe what has happened. I guess it is something that I will always look at as a bad nightmare. Dealing with the emotions of all of this, Kennedy's death and Bristol's birth, is trying. I am generally happy but still hurt so deeply for Kennedy. Time is healing our wounds but I know they will never be fully healed. That is ok with us, we are learning our new normal.
Our family has been visiting since her birth, a new member each week. My house is full and busy but it's all so welcome.
It has almost been a year. We have been juggeling with the idea of returning to the beach for the anniversary on the 2nd but I think we have finally made the decision to wait until September or so. I am in a happy place right now, I miss Kennedy so much more every day and I fear that if I go to the beach right now it will make me lose my momentum of healing.
We teach Bristol every day about Kennedy, we show her the pictures on the wall of her and I think that whenever we say her name she smiles a bit. My goal is for Bristol to know Kennedy the way we knew her. I struggle now and probably will until the time comes for us to explain to her what happened to her sister. I know that will be a difficult conversation.
This past year has been the hardest, saddest, joyous and happiest times. Looking back, I still cannot believe what has happened. I guess it is something that I will always look at as a bad nightmare. Dealing with the emotions of all of this, Kennedy's death and Bristol's birth, is trying. I am generally happy but still hurt so deeply for Kennedy. Time is healing our wounds but I know they will never be fully healed. That is ok with us, we are learning our new normal.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Catching my breath
She's here! Bristol was born on Sunday, May 15, 2011 at 1432, 6lbs 3 oz, 18" long. I had an amazingly easy labor and delivery, with the best coworkers/friends! Bristol is happy and healthy!
We couldn't be happier right now. It's amazing how you fall in love with someone you never even met so fast. Emotions hit me when I hit 9cm, I realized what I was in for, a huge episiotomy or tear and a painful recovery. I panicked a bit, but at 10cm, pushed with all my might, Bristol was here! I actually got to look down and see her being born, it was amazing. I have seen it a million times but this time it was different, she was mine and I was in love. I cried, happy tears and sad tears. Happy because there is a beautiful baby girl in my arms, sad because Kennedy wasn't with us to celebrate. Joe was amazed and in love too. Then his focus turned to the delivery of the placenta, lets just say the whole room got a tutorial from the doctor explaining how the placenta comes out. Then he saw it and said "I don't know how you women survive this, that looks like a deer stomach". Leave it to Joe to say something like that!
Bristol looks nothing like Kennedy when she was born, huge help. She is her own person. My doctor, who also delivered Kennedy, said it was a great thing for us that she looked totally different, I agree.
Everything I learned about newborns with Kennedy is out the window with Bristol. She is quiet, doesn't like to be swaddled, wants to cuddle and is breastfeeding so well. Kennedy was a spunky newborn, she was colicky, had to be swaddled, didn't care much to cuddle and did not breastfeed well. It's all so familiar yet so new to us.
Emotionally we are doing great, we miss Kennedy, we will never stop missing her, but we also feel that we were given what we needed, a sweet baby girl that wants our love. Joe made the comparison that Bristol is like a stray dog, she just wants to please us. Not a great comparison but it actually fits the situation.
People actually hold her, something I feared we would never let happen. Joe is still a germ-phobe and is 100% certain that hands are being washed before anyone gets within 10 feet of her, but that's Joe. As far as babysitting goes, not sure when we will let that happen, but we are definitely starting to move in a positive direction.
My posts will probably be few and far between for the next few weeks, school is kicking my butt this session and I really need to focus on it so I can finally finish this degree.
We couldn't be happier right now. It's amazing how you fall in love with someone you never even met so fast. Emotions hit me when I hit 9cm, I realized what I was in for, a huge episiotomy or tear and a painful recovery. I panicked a bit, but at 10cm, pushed with all my might, Bristol was here! I actually got to look down and see her being born, it was amazing. I have seen it a million times but this time it was different, she was mine and I was in love. I cried, happy tears and sad tears. Happy because there is a beautiful baby girl in my arms, sad because Kennedy wasn't with us to celebrate. Joe was amazed and in love too. Then his focus turned to the delivery of the placenta, lets just say the whole room got a tutorial from the doctor explaining how the placenta comes out. Then he saw it and said "I don't know how you women survive this, that looks like a deer stomach". Leave it to Joe to say something like that!
Bristol looks nothing like Kennedy when she was born, huge help. She is her own person. My doctor, who also delivered Kennedy, said it was a great thing for us that she looked totally different, I agree.
Everything I learned about newborns with Kennedy is out the window with Bristol. She is quiet, doesn't like to be swaddled, wants to cuddle and is breastfeeding so well. Kennedy was a spunky newborn, she was colicky, had to be swaddled, didn't care much to cuddle and did not breastfeed well. It's all so familiar yet so new to us.
Emotionally we are doing great, we miss Kennedy, we will never stop missing her, but we also feel that we were given what we needed, a sweet baby girl that wants our love. Joe made the comparison that Bristol is like a stray dog, she just wants to please us. Not a great comparison but it actually fits the situation.
People actually hold her, something I feared we would never let happen. Joe is still a germ-phobe and is 100% certain that hands are being washed before anyone gets within 10 feet of her, but that's Joe. As far as babysitting goes, not sure when we will let that happen, but we are definitely starting to move in a positive direction.
My posts will probably be few and far between for the next few weeks, school is kicking my butt this session and I really need to focus on it so I can finally finish this degree.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Nesting
So I made fun of Joe for nesting. He completely reorganized our house and still continues to do so. It was making me nuts but I was so thankful that I wasn't the one with the constant urge to run around and clean something. Not so fast.... Today while picking up a few things from wal-mart, the panic hit me. My baseboards are FILTHY, I have no idea when the last time I did the floors was, the bathrooms are probably a biohazard, the damn bird has feathers everywhere! OMG I had to get home and clean!
Unfortunately though, my energy and ability to clean most of the crap I was panicking about is just not there. I panic again, this is going to take me days to do! The car seat has to be put in too! I also have to work this weekend, work at Joe's office before the weekend and somehow deal with school.
Why am I stressing so much about the normal things that are always going on in my life? It's frustrating because I really do not think I have any control over these urges to clean. I managed to dry mop the baseboards, dust, Joe vacuumed, Orange-glo the wood floors in the living room (a rather large and exhausting job, I'll get to the foyer and dining room another day), got half of my school stuff done for this week and then I ran a bath and sat there until I pruned up.
Unfortunately though, my energy and ability to clean most of the crap I was panicking about is just not there. I panic again, this is going to take me days to do! The car seat has to be put in too! I also have to work this weekend, work at Joe's office before the weekend and somehow deal with school.
Why am I stressing so much about the normal things that are always going on in my life? It's frustrating because I really do not think I have any control over these urges to clean. I managed to dry mop the baseboards, dust, Joe vacuumed, Orange-glo the wood floors in the living room (a rather large and exhausting job, I'll get to the foyer and dining room another day), got half of my school stuff done for this week and then I ran a bath and sat there until I pruned up.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Defects and Karma
I know I have blogged about this before but here I go again. We have the most defective animals!
Xander the Doberman saw a hot air balloon fly over our house this Saturday and got scared to death!. He is a 100+ pound baby. He sat shaking in his kennel for hours and almost a week later he is still scared to go outside without Joe or I. Seriously! His OCD caused him to lick a hot spot on his paw, not sure what to do about that.
Max is Max. He's the 11 year old pug. He cannot hear a thing but he and Xander somehow communicate when it's time to eat and Max teases Xander so much so that Xander acts like he's going to eat him. Max whines ALL the time. I yell at him to stop, but what good does it do, he can't hear me! He spends his days sleeping, whining and going in and outside continuously.
Bird. OH MY! She's always had issues! She spends 90% of her time sitting in the corner of the bottom of her cage doing nothing but squaking. She has recently become super destructive and vicious. She tears her cage apart all the time. Ladder gets ripped off, food and water covers torn off and thrown across the cage. We fix them and she tears it back up. The other night I decided to put my finger by her cage (yes I was teasing her) she pecked at my finger! Several times! I don't have any idea what shes so mad about, we are pretty nice to her. If she wasn't Kennedy's Bird I would seriously think about giving her away, it's just hard to part with her right now.
Karma. I believe that if you are a good person, then good things happen to you, If you are a bad person then bad things will happen. This week I got to thinking, what have I done that was so bad in this life to have my daughter taken from me? Surely it had to be something big, but I really would be able to remember that. Right?
Had a doctor appointment yesterday, my BP was ok, go figure! I spent a week feeling like crap, only to wake up on Wednesday, the day of my appointment to feeling great. Not that I wanted to feel bad but I think it would have made me feel not so crazy. My doctor frightened me, she asked me if I was going to counseling. Told her no, I haven't been in forever. She got super concerned and fearful almost for me. It worried me, it was a very serious conversation. Does she know or see something I don't see? Regardless, I made an appointment with our counselor. It can't hurt at this point. There really are a lot of mixed emotions right now. Happy, for a new baby. Sad, because Kennedy isn't here. Anxiety, can we safely raise Bristol? Anger, that this really happened to us.
Joe has been in a hole lately and really worried me. I know he is going through his own difficulties with this. Counseling will help us tremendously!
Xander the Doberman saw a hot air balloon fly over our house this Saturday and got scared to death!. He is a 100+ pound baby. He sat shaking in his kennel for hours and almost a week later he is still scared to go outside without Joe or I. Seriously! His OCD caused him to lick a hot spot on his paw, not sure what to do about that.
Max is Max. He's the 11 year old pug. He cannot hear a thing but he and Xander somehow communicate when it's time to eat and Max teases Xander so much so that Xander acts like he's going to eat him. Max whines ALL the time. I yell at him to stop, but what good does it do, he can't hear me! He spends his days sleeping, whining and going in and outside continuously.
Bird. OH MY! She's always had issues! She spends 90% of her time sitting in the corner of the bottom of her cage doing nothing but squaking. She has recently become super destructive and vicious. She tears her cage apart all the time. Ladder gets ripped off, food and water covers torn off and thrown across the cage. We fix them and she tears it back up. The other night I decided to put my finger by her cage (yes I was teasing her) she pecked at my finger! Several times! I don't have any idea what shes so mad about, we are pretty nice to her. If she wasn't Kennedy's Bird I would seriously think about giving her away, it's just hard to part with her right now.
Karma. I believe that if you are a good person, then good things happen to you, If you are a bad person then bad things will happen. This week I got to thinking, what have I done that was so bad in this life to have my daughter taken from me? Surely it had to be something big, but I really would be able to remember that. Right?
Had a doctor appointment yesterday, my BP was ok, go figure! I spent a week feeling like crap, only to wake up on Wednesday, the day of my appointment to feeling great. Not that I wanted to feel bad but I think it would have made me feel not so crazy. My doctor frightened me, she asked me if I was going to counseling. Told her no, I haven't been in forever. She got super concerned and fearful almost for me. It worried me, it was a very serious conversation. Does she know or see something I don't see? Regardless, I made an appointment with our counselor. It can't hurt at this point. There really are a lot of mixed emotions right now. Happy, for a new baby. Sad, because Kennedy isn't here. Anxiety, can we safely raise Bristol? Anger, that this really happened to us.
Joe has been in a hole lately and really worried me. I know he is going through his own difficulties with this. Counseling will help us tremendously!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Me, Myself, and I
I'm not really sure what is going on. I have been on this selfish spiral lately. All things are about me. I'm tired. My ankles hurt. I want this, I want that. I'm not sure if this is part of the grief process or pregnancy or just me being ridiculous. It's funny that when I get on one of these rants Joe just ignores me. He doesn't feed into it, he just plays his video game and lets me carry on about me.
I am also blaming myself for Kennedy's accident. This is new. Up until this point I called it an unpreventable accident and blamed no one. Now I blame myself, all the things I could have done differently years ago to prevent this. I know in my heart that this was an accident but I feel so much better blaming myself. I am guessing this is just another phase of grief. Maybe I should get my butt back to counseling...
I am also feeling completely inadequate in the sense that I want to make something positive of this situation but have no idea where to start. Adoption for us is not an option right now, being the face of beach safety is not an option either. What can I do? Start a memorial fund? There is a nonprofit organization that will set one up for us free of charge and handle all of the business end of it. But who does it benefit? Drowning victims? Then I go back to my selfishness, our business is struggling, our finances are a mess, how do I ask people to donate money to our fund when I can't donate to theirs?
I spent well over an hour at Kennedy's columbarium yesterday eating lunch, thinking and crying. All I could focus on was how much I miss her, how I never brought her to OLV church and how she is laid to rest in an unfamiliar place.
Joe seems to really be dealing with me well. I've managed to say some ugly things to him, which were meant to blame me, but he took it as me blaming him. He really just ignores me and chalks it up to a bad day I guess or crazy pregnancy hormones. I think as Bristol's delivery date gets closer we are getting more and more anxious. We both want what is best for her but how do we do that without letting her out of our sight?
On a completely different note, I had my 30 week check up this week. All is well. Strong heartbeat. Measuring on time. My weight gain has picked up full force. Sorry Brookwood L&D, you got a biggun' delivering in a few weeks.
My book writing has really suffered this month. My laptop crashed and I am unable to mentally fight with the laptop trying to retreive the file. It's very exhausting and frustrating fighting with something that is a whole lot smarter than I will ever be. I am hoping to get back to it full force in April.
I am also blaming myself for Kennedy's accident. This is new. Up until this point I called it an unpreventable accident and blamed no one. Now I blame myself, all the things I could have done differently years ago to prevent this. I know in my heart that this was an accident but I feel so much better blaming myself. I am guessing this is just another phase of grief. Maybe I should get my butt back to counseling...
I am also feeling completely inadequate in the sense that I want to make something positive of this situation but have no idea where to start. Adoption for us is not an option right now, being the face of beach safety is not an option either. What can I do? Start a memorial fund? There is a nonprofit organization that will set one up for us free of charge and handle all of the business end of it. But who does it benefit? Drowning victims? Then I go back to my selfishness, our business is struggling, our finances are a mess, how do I ask people to donate money to our fund when I can't donate to theirs?
I spent well over an hour at Kennedy's columbarium yesterday eating lunch, thinking and crying. All I could focus on was how much I miss her, how I never brought her to OLV church and how she is laid to rest in an unfamiliar place.
Joe seems to really be dealing with me well. I've managed to say some ugly things to him, which were meant to blame me, but he took it as me blaming him. He really just ignores me and chalks it up to a bad day I guess or crazy pregnancy hormones. I think as Bristol's delivery date gets closer we are getting more and more anxious. We both want what is best for her but how do we do that without letting her out of our sight?
On a completely different note, I had my 30 week check up this week. All is well. Strong heartbeat. Measuring on time. My weight gain has picked up full force. Sorry Brookwood L&D, you got a biggun' delivering in a few weeks.
My book writing has really suffered this month. My laptop crashed and I am unable to mentally fight with the laptop trying to retreive the file. It's very exhausting and frustrating fighting with something that is a whole lot smarter than I will ever be. I am hoping to get back to it full force in April.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Keeping the faith
It's been such a busy couple of weeks for us! Joe's dad came to visit, I had a bunch of appointments, papers due, baby shower to think about, thankfully things have slowed down some this week-with the exception of school! Gosh it is wearing me out. I was urged to not take these two classes together because they are the more difficult ones in the program. I figured best to take them before I deliver Bristol and my placenta takes my remaining brain cells with it. Hmmm, maybe not the best idea. Whatever, I've been through worse.
Since the oil spill last summer tourism has been down at the beach. In an effort to revitalize the area there are tons of commercials on TV about coming to the beach, one shows a family with a little girl (about Kennedy's age) in a pink bikini (similiar to the one she had on) running to the water. OMG! seriously what would have normally made me want to go there and spend a few days basking in the sun, has me running in the opposite direction. I want nothing more than to spend a few days listening to the waves and burying my feet in the warm sand but I cannot do it. Not now, maybe not ever. Knowing what I know now about how quickly things can happen and how dangerous the beach can be has me scared to death to ever enjoy it again. I want Bristol to experience the beach but fear that I may never let her near it. Anyone who knows us, knows that we love the beach and jumped at every opportunity to go there, now it's all different.
On another note, I celebrated with my friends on Sunday at my baby shower. It was nice. We got so many beautiful gifts. I swear I have no idea where we would be without our friends. That morning I didn't feel much like socializing but that mood passed quickly and I enjoyed the day. Yesterday, my dedicated PJ day, was spent putting things together and finding a home for all of the awesome things. It was bittersweet.
It's been awhile since I read the bible, I was reading it daily but really have been preoccupied lately that I just didn't get around to it. (not a very good excuse) Anyway, I am trying to read it more consistently now. I also prayed, prayed hard for several things last week and those prayers got answered. One for my own selfish reasons and another for a friend who is going through an adoption process. Coincidence? Maybe to some but I am chalking these up to answered prayers.
Since the oil spill last summer tourism has been down at the beach. In an effort to revitalize the area there are tons of commercials on TV about coming to the beach, one shows a family with a little girl (about Kennedy's age) in a pink bikini (similiar to the one she had on) running to the water. OMG! seriously what would have normally made me want to go there and spend a few days basking in the sun, has me running in the opposite direction. I want nothing more than to spend a few days listening to the waves and burying my feet in the warm sand but I cannot do it. Not now, maybe not ever. Knowing what I know now about how quickly things can happen and how dangerous the beach can be has me scared to death to ever enjoy it again. I want Bristol to experience the beach but fear that I may never let her near it. Anyone who knows us, knows that we love the beach and jumped at every opportunity to go there, now it's all different.
On another note, I celebrated with my friends on Sunday at my baby shower. It was nice. We got so many beautiful gifts. I swear I have no idea where we would be without our friends. That morning I didn't feel much like socializing but that mood passed quickly and I enjoyed the day. Yesterday, my dedicated PJ day, was spent putting things together and finding a home for all of the awesome things. It was bittersweet.
It's been awhile since I read the bible, I was reading it daily but really have been preoccupied lately that I just didn't get around to it. (not a very good excuse) Anyway, I am trying to read it more consistently now. I also prayed, prayed hard for several things last week and those prayers got answered. One for my own selfish reasons and another for a friend who is going through an adoption process. Coincidence? Maybe to some but I am chalking these up to answered prayers.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sorting
For the past week I have been sorting things. Receipts, baby clothes, etc. I'm excited things feel lighter in my house and at the office. It was difficult to go through the receipts from last year, a time when I was still buying things for Kennedy and remembering our trips through the year. While I am glad that the bulk of it is done I know I still have the looming funeral expenses to itemize. While going through the mountain of paperwork I found her blue immunization card for school this year and a letter from my mother in law asking if Kennedy liked her Easter gifts. Finding these things is bittersweet.
My mother in law and sister in law sent a LOAD of baby clothes to us, via Joe's dad. I have spent the better part of the last few days sorting through the sizes and pairing things up. My sis in law even washed everything for me. There were several pieces that we duplicates of Kennedy's, imagining her in those outfits was painful but good. I can definitely say that we do not need any clothing for Bristol until shes at least 3 years old. Amazing!
Tomorrow I go for my three hour glucose tolerance test, since I failed my one hour test last week. Darn it! The last thing I want to do is sit at the doctor office for 4 hours but I guess its necessary. I had gestational diabetes with Kennedy and am pretty sure that it will be the same this time around. I very much dislike having to watch my diet.
School this session is officially kicking my butt! So many big projects, I am getting so sick of writing papers constantly. I have not worked on my book in weeks now, I know the times that I cannot even begin to sit down to work on it but unfortunately that has become the only time I can. I am choosing to get a better nights sleep over writing for now. I still make notes on my phone when I get an idea, so it's not that I have completely disregarded working on it.
I am officially counting down the days until Bristol is due! I cannot wait for her to get here. I pee 5 times a night, I am freezing everyone out of the house, I waddle because it feels so good, I cannot get up from a laying position without rolling to my side first. My weight gain has not even been an issue (20lbs so far) its just the extra girth of my belly that is wearing me out. Joe hasn't even had any off the wall comments lately aside from him thinking the wall fell down in the bathroom because I opened the window this morning because I was on fire after my shower. Poor guy has been wearing layers to bed at night and I even catch him using my half of the comforter that I don't use anymore.
My baby shower is this Sunday, I'm excited to see everyone. It seems like since I have been back to work, I haven't seen anybody in months.
My mother in law and sister in law sent a LOAD of baby clothes to us, via Joe's dad. I have spent the better part of the last few days sorting through the sizes and pairing things up. My sis in law even washed everything for me. There were several pieces that we duplicates of Kennedy's, imagining her in those outfits was painful but good. I can definitely say that we do not need any clothing for Bristol until shes at least 3 years old. Amazing!
Tomorrow I go for my three hour glucose tolerance test, since I failed my one hour test last week. Darn it! The last thing I want to do is sit at the doctor office for 4 hours but I guess its necessary. I had gestational diabetes with Kennedy and am pretty sure that it will be the same this time around. I very much dislike having to watch my diet.
School this session is officially kicking my butt! So many big projects, I am getting so sick of writing papers constantly. I have not worked on my book in weeks now, I know the times that I cannot even begin to sit down to work on it but unfortunately that has become the only time I can. I am choosing to get a better nights sleep over writing for now. I still make notes on my phone when I get an idea, so it's not that I have completely disregarded working on it.
I am officially counting down the days until Bristol is due! I cannot wait for her to get here. I pee 5 times a night, I am freezing everyone out of the house, I waddle because it feels so good, I cannot get up from a laying position without rolling to my side first. My weight gain has not even been an issue (20lbs so far) its just the extra girth of my belly that is wearing me out. Joe hasn't even had any off the wall comments lately aside from him thinking the wall fell down in the bathroom because I opened the window this morning because I was on fire after my shower. Poor guy has been wearing layers to bed at night and I even catch him using my half of the comforter that I don't use anymore.
My baby shower is this Sunday, I'm excited to see everyone. It seems like since I have been back to work, I haven't seen anybody in months.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Rainy days
Joe and I got a lot accomplished in Bristol's room. Crib and changing table are in there. The furniture is rearranged. I can now officially have a baby. Let's hope that doesn't happen for another 3 months at least though. It was hard to go into that room but it was something we did together and it felt good. We talked alot in there. Xander came in and sniffed everything, his ears were down the entire time. He didn't like it in there at all. Max walked in the door but immediately turned around and left. Poor dogs, they do understand.
I have tossed around announcing this but after lots of thought and coaxing from my family and friends I have decided to start WRITING MY BOOK. All by myself! I figured that if I announced it on this blog I would hold myself accountable to actually finishing it. Whether or not it gets published I will still have gotten so much relief from this whole writing process. Right now my rough draft is littered with little red and green squiggly marks all over it. I am definitely not a writer especially on this caliber. I have had to skip the entire accident explaination so far but, as I can, I plan on going back to it. It's just a hard thing to word when I was in such a state of panic and shock that I am unsure of a lot of the details myself.
I am feeling so much movement in my belly. It's fun. It makes it real. I swear overnight Saturday I popped out! I could hardly get around my patients rooms on Sunday. It's getting hard for me to bend over. Really? It seems way to early to be having all of this going on. I still do not feel healthy though, I haven't gained nearly as much weight at this time as I did with Kennedy at the same time. My hair continues to fall out. I am definitely eating much better, my appetite is back full force. I am sure the weight gain will catch up with me very soon. :)
I have tossed around announcing this but after lots of thought and coaxing from my family and friends I have decided to start WRITING MY BOOK. All by myself! I figured that if I announced it on this blog I would hold myself accountable to actually finishing it. Whether or not it gets published I will still have gotten so much relief from this whole writing process. Right now my rough draft is littered with little red and green squiggly marks all over it. I am definitely not a writer especially on this caliber. I have had to skip the entire accident explaination so far but, as I can, I plan on going back to it. It's just a hard thing to word when I was in such a state of panic and shock that I am unsure of a lot of the details myself.
I am feeling so much movement in my belly. It's fun. It makes it real. I swear overnight Saturday I popped out! I could hardly get around my patients rooms on Sunday. It's getting hard for me to bend over. Really? It seems way to early to be having all of this going on. I still do not feel healthy though, I haven't gained nearly as much weight at this time as I did with Kennedy at the same time. My hair continues to fall out. I am definitely eating much better, my appetite is back full force. I am sure the weight gain will catch up with me very soon. :)
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