Wednesday, May 8, 2013


This little spark plug will be two in ONE week! I cannot believe it! Time has flown by. She is talking so much, running around like a wild child and hurting herself constantly. Recently she got a black eye from Max the 100 year old pug (yeah, I have no idea how, he's deaf and blind but somehow managed to wreak havoc on her face). Then while still recovering from the black eye she breaks half of her tooth off (a mystery we will never figure out). Not to even begin to mention the permanent black and blue marks on her forehead from slamming it off the ground and the various knee scrapes. Oh the knee scrapes, they scab over, she picks the scab, they scab back over, she repicks the scab. They.never.go.away. Thankfully everyone that knows Bristol knows that she is a mess otherwise DHR would be knocking on our door on a daily basis. She is a handful, but a cute one! Her tooth was bonded and looks great and she is pretty proud of it too! Her eye is back to normal, her forehead - well I think she is now resorting to hitting the back of her head on the floor. I really don't know, I run away as soon as the tantrum begins. It may be working.
I am by no means complaining about Bristol, please don't take it that way. She just amazes the heck out of me. How in the world can something so darn small be so darn powerful? As much as I try to not let her rule this house, I think she bullies me into it. She will have her way no matter what.
I have made no plans for her birthday. On the 15th I am sending cupcakes to school with her so she can celebrate with her friends, then we may go to the petting zoo that weekend. I am keeping it low key. Her 1st birthday party was a bit excessive and I have no intention on topping them each year. When she can tell me what she wants then she can have great parties but until then, low key is the Halechko way. :)
I am so looking forward to what this next year brings us. I just want to keep her in a bubble until she is 18 but I know that will never happen. Keep us in your prayers this year, we were blessed with Kennedy for 34 months, there is still so much pain there. It is still so fresh and I find myself constantly comparing Bristol to her big sister. I know all parents compare their kids and it is just human nature but I don't ever want Bristol to feel bad because she didn't compare to Kennedy. I try very hard to realize that Bristol is her own person just like Kennedy was her own. Hopefully it will all work out ok in the end.
Until next time...

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! I hope your day has been great so far.

Three years ago on Easter Day I was snapping pictures of Kennedy in front of our fence and playing in the flowers at the Bright Star restaurant in Bessemer. THREE years ago! I cannot believe it has been three years. I remember it like it was yesterday. She wore the same dress she was laid to rest in.

I have heard people say that they know someone who lost a child and that mother was "never the same". How can you be the same? There is a permanent hole in my heart and the pain can be unimaginable. Yes Bristol has been such a blessing but we should be celebrating Easter with both of our girls in the comfy living room of our messy house. Things are not the same and they never can be the same. 

I miss her. I want to know how her and Bristol would get along. I want to see how long her hair would be. I wonder so much about her. Yes she is in a better place but to me the best place is here, here with me.

I try to control my OCD urges with Bristol. But in the back of my head I always wonder if I should be saving this or that, just in case... Who lives like this? Unfortunately, I guess having the reality of losing a child slap me in the face everyday has made me calloused.

I have some plans in my head to start a scholarship or free swimming classes for children in Kennedy's name. I just have to find time to get the ball rolling and figure out just how to do it. I'll keep you all posted.

Thank you for letting me rant for a bit!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Is it really March 2013?

Where has this year gone? My last post was in November 2012, time has flown since then. The holidays were crazy. Bristol ended up being hospitalized for dehydration for four days. Let me tell you Children's Hospital in Birmingham was great but I hope to never see that place again. She is better now and hopefully not emotionally scarred from the entire ordeal. It was hard watching my baby be so sick.
Right before Christmas a friend of mine lost her son Cooper to a genetic condition called IPEX syndrome. I went to the viewing and funeral, which was held in the same place as Kennedy's. It brought back so many memories of that time. Cooper's funeral was heart wrenching, I felt so sorry for the entire situation but most of all felt sorry for Courtney and her husband Jon. I knew their pain and what they were going through and it was so hard to watch. Thankfully some of my old co-workers made me sit with them and we all wept together. Courtney has told me that looks to me for my strength, I honestly have no clue if I am strong, crazy or just trying to survive. Some days still continue to be worse than others (especially if I forget my antidepressant, lol) but I continue to trudge along.
Bristol is now getting to be a big girl. She will be 2 in May. I cannot believe she will already be 2. Her personality is wild. She is a daddy's girl big time. She is also a bit strong willed. She is now getting closer to Kennedy's age and that makes me sad, I stress about her turning  3, an age Kennedy never saw. I don't know why but I do.
Work is going good. Super busy but good. I love it. I love my sweet Alzheimer's residents that visit me everyday and file my papers in my office, take my mouse pad to their room or eat my candy. I am so glad I get to be a part of their lives! I have done some serious traveling the past month (which has only contributed to Bristol being a daddy's girl) to conferences and taking my assisted living administrator's test. I slept in a hotel more than I slept at my house I think. I did pass my ALA test which was huge, I am not a great test taker so I was kinda shocked I did good on it.
School is still going. I am over it. If it wasn't for Joe I really would have taken a permanent break but he reminds me that I only have one year left. He isn't the one taking classes and working but whatever, I am determined now to finish it. As much as I complain about school I am seriously considering getting my doctorate. My school now offers it so it would only be another 2 years. Who knows I might just go crazy before that though and end up in a nut house.
I guess now that Bristol is getting older the question of whether or not we will have another baby. The answer is no. I do get baby fever and would love another one but I just cannot be pregnant again. Those of you that remember me during Bristol's pregnancy can recall how large I got, how much I ate, how much I complained etc. I was miserable and it was a good pregnancy. I just don't think I have enough energy to even attempt another one. Now, adoption is not out of the question. I would love to do a domestic, private adoption. We will cross that bridge some day.