Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! I hope your day has been great so far.

Three years ago on Easter Day I was snapping pictures of Kennedy in front of our fence and playing in the flowers at the Bright Star restaurant in Bessemer. THREE years ago! I cannot believe it has been three years. I remember it like it was yesterday. She wore the same dress she was laid to rest in.

I have heard people say that they know someone who lost a child and that mother was "never the same". How can you be the same? There is a permanent hole in my heart and the pain can be unimaginable. Yes Bristol has been such a blessing but we should be celebrating Easter with both of our girls in the comfy living room of our messy house. Things are not the same and they never can be the same. 

I miss her. I want to know how her and Bristol would get along. I want to see how long her hair would be. I wonder so much about her. Yes she is in a better place but to me the best place is here, here with me.

I try to control my OCD urges with Bristol. But in the back of my head I always wonder if I should be saving this or that, just in case... Who lives like this? Unfortunately, I guess having the reality of losing a child slap me in the face everyday has made me calloused.

I have some plans in my head to start a scholarship or free swimming classes for children in Kennedy's name. I just have to find time to get the ball rolling and figure out just how to do it. I'll keep you all posted.

Thank you for letting me rant for a bit!