Lets just say that this year the holiday season was a very dreaded time in our lives. How was I supposed to shop for other people when all I could think about was what Kennedy would want. Do we still put a Christmas tree up? Where are her gifts?
Black Friday is my favorite day to shop. I get out every year at 4 am and battle the crowds. This year was the first in 12 years that I didn't go. What was I going to buy anyway? We decided early on that we were not buying gifts for anyone this year. This was a mutual decision made by Joe and I. This decision was one of our best decisions made over the last six months. We traveled to PA to be with our family this year. Instead of gift exchanging and a short visit with each we actually got to visit and enjoy dinner and spend TIME with our family. I wasn't stressed out worrying about gift receipts, if this person or that person would really like our gift or store it on a shelf for the next ten years. We got back to basics, FAMILY, this year and may even do the same next year.
My shopping trips during this holiday season were filled with visions of Kennedy playing with the new Tangled dolls or dancing around in a pair of leopard print dress up shoes. Even just a simple food run to Wal-mart was excruciating. To help myself (yes it was done for selfish reasons) I decided to buy Kennedy all the gifts I knew she would love. I got the Tangled dolls, Dress up clothes, My Little Ponies, Tinkerbell, books, etc.. for her. Now what? I had a car full of toys for a daughter I didn't have anymore. I donated all of the toys to our local police station along with rolls of wrapping paper that I bought at last year's after Christmas sales, Tinkerbell and Dora wrapping paper that Santa was supposed to use. Somehow that shopping trip helped me. I would really like to keep up this tradition.
Somehow I managed to get through Christmas, we really treated it just like any other day. Nothing special. It was New Year's that I had a hard time with. I do not know why but I guess it was the realization that time is going on. My world may have stopped but not everyone elses. I can only hope that this year brings us some joy with the arrival of our baby girl. By the way, we decided on a name...Bristol Ava. Bristol after the city Bristol, Virginia that we would spend the night in the "big hotel" (as Kennedy would call it) on our trips back and forth to PA. She loved sleeping there! Ava after Kennedy's middle name.
My next post will be a vent session on how people say and do the most aweful things during a tragic time. Not only in my own situation but others who have lost someone.