Feeling empowered from this mornings blog, I decided today would be a good day to go through Kennedy's bedroom and put her clothes in bins to be stored in the attic. Joe and I made the decision to have Bristol use Kennedy's room. Kennedy loved her bedroom and always wanted her friends to sleep with her in her bed, she always welcomed "the girls" (the neighborhood girls) into her bedroom and never once said "no, my room". It's only fitting that her sister share a room with her. If Kennedy were still alive I think I would still have them share a room, that's how much Kennedy loved sharing it.
Going through all of her clothes that she most recently wore was heartwrenching. Seeing her shoes, knowing she'll never put them on wrong again was like a dagger in my gut. Holding back vomitting, I let the tears flow. I needed to do this.
How could any of this be real? Her stashed cookies on the side of her bed are still there, just in case she got hungry at night she was prepared. Her water cup is still on her bookshelf. Her toothbrush still on the sink. Her mirror still splattered with toothpaste. Her bedroom stopped in time.
Did we make the right decision to put Bristol is this room? It seems like the only decision, Kennedy wouldn't have had it any other way. I feel like I need to rearrange the furniture in there to allow Bristol to make this her room but how can I do that without erasing Kennedy's memories?
I cannot imagine having to make those kinds of decisions. Thinking of & praying for you guys daily.
ReplyDeleteKennedy's memories will never be erased dear Becky. You will just be making room for more memories with Bristol...and you can share Kennedy's memories with Bristol too.. God Bless you Becky and Joe. Your lives are difficult but very special. Through your love,agony,pain,sorrow and happiness together, your strength has taught many many people what real love is.... To Love and be loved..to share ..to be human and to cry. I will forever love you and cherish what you have taught me.. Bill
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